angrymamas

The cost of motherhood...

2010-09-25T10:51:00.000-07:00

Apparently the sacrifices women make to become mothers amount to one million dollars in lost earning potential over a lifetime. Those costs will be discussed at this important conference. This group was formerly the Association for Research on Mothering.

http://www.motherhoodinitiative.org/motherseconomy.html

A good father? A good film?

2010-09-25T10:48:00.000-07:00

http://www.msmagazine.com/summer2010/despicableme.asp

Moms are mad

2009-06-09T13:36:00.000-07:00

Being born in 1970's North America, I was taught that a little girl could do and be anything a little boy could do or be.
By and large, that's been the case throughout my life, thanks to the feminist movements that made that possible. I went to the university of my choice, became a journalist and aside from some relatively mild sexual harassment, I have lived life as free as any man.
I was, therefore, more than a little shocked when I gave birth to my son Adlai six years ago and felt like I had somehow woken up in 1956.
Because my boy had come from my body and I was nursing him, I found myself thrust into the position, as most of us do, of primary parent. That made sense and seemed right in those early days. But soon it became apparent to me that I was expected to be the 'default parent,' the one the baby came back to once he was done 'visiting' with his father. While my husband today does easily his fair share inside the home and with his child, it took us years of arguing to hammer out a fair system where we both felt we weren't ending up with an unfair amount of the least enjoyable parenting tasks. Meanwhile, all around me I see women who haven't succeeded in leveling the playing field in this way. Many I've talked to say it's just been easier to do it themselves than fight a man and a culture that would rather see mom do it.
The truth is most moms do most of the household and childcare work, even when they work full-time and even when their male partner is unemployed. This isn't fair. And growing numbers of moms are rising up to bring awareness to this issue and to close the equality gap that remains.
As long as women are spending an unequal amount of time up to their elbows in poopy diapers and buckets of suds, we're not fully free to do and be all we can. Mothering my son is the greatest job I've ever had, but that doesn't mean I have to be the only person who does the dishes.

No better than 90 years ago

2009-05-19T17:05:00.000-07:00

So, why is there a mothers' movement happening? Why are mamas mad? Let's look at the hard, cold facts. The University of Wisconsin's National Survey of Families and Households found that the wife does 31 hours a week on average of housework versus the man's average of 14 hours. For stay-at-home moms, they do 38 hours of housework compared to 12 hours done by their husbands each week. When mom works full time, those numbers go to 28 hours versus 16.
The ratio for childcare is even worse, a staggering five to one. Moms working full-time do 11 hours of childcare compared to three hours a week done by their husbands. For moms who are not working, they do 15 hours of childcare compared to two by their husbands. One sociologist involved in the study said this ratio is no different than it was 90 years ago.
We've come a long way, baby.

Book launch party

2009-05-19T17:04:00.000-07:00

The book launch party for STUNNED: The New Generation of Women Having Babies, Getting Angry and Creating a Mothers' Movement will be Thursday, June 4 at 7 p.m. at the Toronto Women's Bookstore on Harbord Street in downtown Toronto. All are welcome!

Co-housing makes sense for women

2009-04-01T12:57:00.000-07:00

Okay, here's an idea that really supports women and families: http://mothering.com/articles/growing_child/family_society/cohousing.html
Co-housing makes so much sense. Why do we shut ourselves up in our homes and try to get away from one another so much? With kids in tow, doing more together just makes so much sense...

Feeling guilty when he does more...

2009-03-26T12:47:00.000-07:00

So, many mamas feel angry when our husbands and partners don't do more around the house and with the kids. Many of us bitch about it, some of us demand change, but many of us just 'suck it up' and do it ourselves. Often this is due to the fact that we live in a society that tells us that's what good mothers do. Don't complain. And some of us feel superior by doing it, so we kind of like it on some level. This becomes especially clear when hubby starts doing more than he has been. My husband has easily been doing his fair share since I started working full-time. I give him major props for that. Now, at times, he actually ends up picking up the slack with the boy and food and cleaning more than I do, which has ruffled my feathers a bit. I hate to admit it, but it's true. I'm fine with him doing his half, but when it creeps into more than that, I start to think I'm being a bad mother. Funny though, that few men think they are being a bad father by doing less than an equal half. Society doesn't tell them they are bad fathers if they do less. We need to listen for the messages we're being fed. It's okay for my husband to do more than half sometimes.

Possible India rights sale of STUNNED

2009-03-12T07:24:00.001-07:00

So I just heard from someone at a publishing house in India that they might be interested in buying the Indian rights to STUNNED: The New Generation of Women Having Babies, Getting Angry and Creating a Mothers' Movement. Yay!

I said Let's Run and they said...

2009-03-11T12:41:00.000-07:00

I posted the following as my status update on Facebook:

Karen wants to run away for a week. Any other mommies with me?! I know a cabin, up north, they won't find us there. We can freeze meals, it'll be fine... 4:58pm ·
Ruth said she liked this.
Robyn said Take me with you!!!! Please.

Lisa said: Don't tempt me woman! Last night Malcolm walked up to me and handed me a little somethin' somethin' while saying "whas this...whas this?" Um... yeah... it was his poo. Yep, just LOVE being a mom!
To which Robyn said: My baby will be 13 on Friday I need to escape the fact that I have 2 teenagers which means I'm old :(
And Lisa replied: Having teenagers doesn't make you old... just all the more deserving of a getaway!

Check out the promotional copy for STUNNED

2009-01-09T11:33:00.001-08:00

Stunned: The New Generation of Women Having Babies, Getting Angry and Creating a Mothers’ Movement by Karen Bridson-Boyczuk (HCI Books, 2009)

The Feminist movement of the 1970s may be ancient history, but according to journalist and author, Karen Bridson, it is in desperate need to be redefined and reclaimed so the new generation of women who are having babies can finish the jobs their mothers started. Her call to action was sparked by recognizing that while today's women are supposed to be benefiting from the women's movement, they are more exhausted, angry, and resentful than ever before. Stunned marks the groundswell of this dissatisfaction among women and journeys into this need for a new women's movement, explaining that the problem has changed, women have changed, and the challenge before them is very different than in days past.

Not another mom-lit book about sippy cups and mother shock that leaves women angrier and high-and-dry for answers, Bridson uses her first-person account of becoming a mother to her now five-year-old son as a launching place to discuss further the new brewing mother's revolution. Picking up where academic and 'policy' books about contemporary motherhood have left off, Stunned is not simply about a new generation of women realizing that their lot in this world isn't what they thought it was; it is a mother's call to action: Stunned lets women know they are not alone, that things shouldn't be the way they are, and that change is possible. It's about recognizing that the way things are structured isn't in women's favor – even today – and deciding to do something about it.

Offering an understandable, vivid overview of the history of feminism, the propaganda against it, and the problems that have risen out of the progress made in the past decades, Stunned not only looks at the problems, but proposes solutions to them. In addition, Bridson offers sociological, political, historical, and current data to discuss:

Why mothers are angry
The new pressures women face today
The bigger issues facing all women
How the women's movement was beaten down
Putting a new face of feminism
The young girls of today's culture
A history of women and what work still needs to be done

Further, Stunned is an accessible, entertaining book on the subject of contemporary motherhood that helps women not to forget where they've been, while understanding that they do lose ground when becoming mothers. This is the wake-up call that will help women avoid entering motherhood with their eyes shut and prevent the Stunned factor once motherhood is upon them

More equal than ever

2009-01-08T07:13:00.000-08:00

Now that I'm working full-time producing a web/TV show, my husband has been picking up more and more of the slack at home. It's amazing. While I have always said he did more than most men I know in the home, now he's really making the men of the world look bad. I can't help but this part of this has to do with this book coming out in the spring! No matter. He's rocking it big time and making my life so much better. But now I have to honestly say I'm feeling like he's trampling on my territory a little bit. This is exactly the kind of feeling I have to suppress and the kind of feeling that helps women to stay in the position of doing too much. Suppress it I will!

Starting over

2008-11-12T13:21:00.000-08:00

Okay, so for those who have actually read this blog, you'll notice that a number of my posts have suddenly disappeared. That's because my husband and I had some discussions, let's say, about what is and is not appropriate to go up on this blog. While I take great pains in the new book to explain our division of labour within the home and put our whole journey into context, I was a bit sloppy on these counts on this blog. So I took them down. But don't worry, I'll still give you the goods. I just have to be a bit more careful. My husband and I have found a very equitable arrangement these days, but it's been a hard journey for both of us and it has put our relationship on the rocks more than a couple of times. Both of us have been trying to escape the less appealing parts of parenthood and it's been a fight the whole way. Promotion of this blog, meanwhile, hasn't begun in earnest as the book doesn't come out until the spring.
On that count, though, we've got covers in the works and edits should be done in the next month or so. Just in time to hunker down with the family over the holiday break and enjoy some of that at-home mom time that I actually have started to miss...

So much to say, but holding back

2008-01-04T10:54:00.000-08:00

I'm angry as hell and I can't wait to write about. I'm currently writing a book about mothers of my generation, the daughters of the 1970s feminist generation. My agent is currently shopping it around to editors in New York so I want to keep the details hush-hush for the time being. Needless to say, this is a spot where I'll be going off about feminist mothering issues soon enough and keeping you up-to-date on my progress with the book. I'll also tell stories about my life, which I love to do. So right now my five-year-old son is pulling on my arm, anxious to go out and for me to get the hell off the computer, so I'll cut it off there for now. But do respond if any of this is of interest to you or you have anything to say about it. I'm currently interviewing mothers as research for the book so I'd love to hear from you.